The Never Ending Rumspringa

Love is in the Air

The Great Sexscapade

It finally happened. My turn came up and I got stuck on cash register duty at the Raven’s Loft Occult Shop. Fortunately (sort of), the night wasn’t an uninteresting one after Devon came in with a guy practically on his arm. Which is weird, considering he’s totally a lady’s man. I guess the rumor’s were true.

Anyway, it seemed like he was trying to show off to his “friend” and gave the guy a tour of the shop. When Devon started trying to get into the shop’s special vault, the red flag popped up. I suggested he probably shouldn’t be doing that and in the end, he got a nice shock from the arcane lock on the door. For some reason that didn’t deter Devon and he wandered into our magic stock looking for something – probably a dispel scroll or something. I gave Caleb a call to update him and then I tried to buy some time. A good old Obscuring Mist helped a little, but the real hero was Devon who’s ineptness at casting spells off of scrolls bought us enough time for the firemen to show up. After I set off the fire alarm. And cast Burning Hands on the guy. After he charmed me. And after he french kissed the life force out of me. ‘course he grabbed Devon and ran.

I hate that guy.

Caleb was pretty understanding considering his shop was… um… a disaster zone? The coven decided to gather and perform a Locate ritual to find Devon and I was sent out to do what I apparently do – field work. One expensive Unitarian Church visit and Restoration spell later, I entered Devon’s apartment and found out he’d been to Bliss – a gay club. So next stop, Bliss! For brunch!

Embarrassingly enough, it turned out the mysterious guy’s name was Rizwan and he had pictures of himself plastered all over Bliss. I headed back to the coven to check on Deborah’s progress with the ritual spell and they confirmed Devon was at Bliss. I need to get some kind of mileage program going with the coven with all this driving.

I managed to get past the front door by casting Haywire on the poor coat check’s automatic coat hanger. As I snuck into the back behind the stage to try and get to Rizwan’s place upstairs I was assailed by four anatomically correct mannequins. I guess we know where he gets those strippers from. Good ol’ Shield kept me safe, but Burning Hands just made them walking fire hazards. I managed to run past them upstairs into Rizwan’s place only to find the most interesting thing.

Devon was jackhammering Rizwan like there was no tomorrow. Holy crap. That’s one way to get your life force sucked out. That’s when I realized I completely forgot to prepare for a fight with Rizwan. Who I learned earlier was a succubus/incubus. Damn you my crappy short term memory! I had to get Devon out, but there was no way I could take down Rizwan and the four fiery mannequins were tailing me upstairs. So I did what any normal person would do in my situation. I stole Rizwan’s wallet and glasses, and then snagged a video of the whole sex scene on my cell phone. After that, I managed to get the jump on the lovers, wrapped Devon in a curtain, and burst out of the window into the rose bushes below. It was like out of an action movie.

I don’t know how we managed it, but neither of us had a scratch on us. I returned Devon back to the coven where he could recover from the charm and drain, and I cashed in Rizwan’s wallet. Not exactly the perfect night, but hardly the worst.

Now excuse me, I have to upload a certain video into a secure database server for safe keeping.

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